To the amazing staff at Masada, and the friends I met along the way…
There is nothing like being a sleep deprived parent. The feeling of helplessness and frustration as everything you try, to help your baby sleep, doesn’t work. A few nights turn into a few months, and after a long period of time, the sleep deprivation takes it’s toll. After nine months, and what seemed like a lifetime, I decided that I needed some help. I was at the point of breaking and felt so many negative emotions that I simply didn’t feel like myself, or like the person who I was becoming.
I felt guilty that I couldn’t help my son sleep. Surely given the fact that I was a second time Mum, I had a toolbox of strategies to help us help Hudson. We had been through a very challenging time with Ella when she was one, and we had used a range of strategies to get her to sleep well. Surely, we could do it on our own. I started to feel like a failure, and this, coupled with sleep deprivation made me lose confidence and become negative. I hated the Mum I was becoming. I felt terrible about the wife I had become. I was negative all the time. I felt flat. I was stressed. I was short with Ella all of the time. I’d complain each day (with good reason, sometimes I know). However, I just simply hated the fact that I couldn’t enjoy being Hudson’s Mum, and worse that I couldn’t fix his unsettled sleep, and in turn get some for myself. I knew I was so lucky to have great support. Especially from my amazing husband and wonderful family. However things were not working, and my exhaustion just kept growing. It seemed relentless and endless.
Then one day, I bit the bullet and rang Masada Mother and Baby Unit. I had heard about it from lots of other people, however I needed to come to the decision to go on my own, and with the support of my husband. Upon deciding to go, and after great stories from friends who had experienced dramatic changes in their children, I had high hopes. Upon walking through the doors, I knew that things would be great. I felt nervous, but calm. It didn’t seem like the ‘baby boot camp’ that I thought it would be. What I didn’t know however is the incredible way in which my son would be transformed, and the friends that I would make along the way. For this I will be eternally grateful.
I hold nothing but deep gratitude, respect and thanks to all of the staff at Masada for what they have done for my family. They have helped Hudson sleep through the night. They have helped him sleep soundly in the day. They have helped me be a confident support to him, to help him settle. They have helped me to feel comfortable with my feelings prior to coming in. I was at a loss to know what to do, and they helped show me the way. Some small changes have had dramatic impact. For this, I will be eternally grateful.
I have found my week at Masada to be calming, supportive and empowering. The staff was never judgemental or critical. They have simply helped us all to see a new angle, and have simply given us our lives back. For this I will be eternally grateful.
I have found new friends who have been brave enough to share their stories and ask for help. Each of us came here for differing reasons, but with the same goal of wanting our babies to be happier, and in turn, help us to feel happier Mothers. We have stuck together. Sat in the corridors, pacing the hallways, praying for things to be better. We have listened to one another, comforted and encouraged each other. We have developed wonderful connections in such a short period of time. Most of all, we’ve made friends who have come together to help each other. For this, I will be eternally grateful.
I know that coming home won’t be easy, and there will be stressful times. I know that managing a baby and a toddler can be tough, but I know that with the strategies and knowledge I have taken away with me, I am confident to tackle what may come. I know that consistency is the key. I know that I have help if I need it, and that I’m not alone. For this, I will be eternally grateful.
When my husband rang each day, he asked how my day had been. It has been a long time since I have confidently been able to say ‘great’. I am going home thankful, not only because my baby is sleeping like a rock star, but confident that I will be able to help him through the tough times. I know that this will help me to enjoy Motherhood again. I know that this will help me to enjoy being a happy wife to my beautiful husband. However, most importantly I know that this experience will help me to get a piece of myself back.
For my experience at Masada this week, for my children, for my husband and for myself…I will be eternally grateful.