Dear new school Mum or Dad
This time last year, I was you. I was in the throws of getting my daughter ready for her first day of Prep. She was starting school. We all were! Having moved suburbs, we knew know one. Ella would start school without any kinder friends, and I would start life as a school Mum without any familiar faces. I may have been a teacher with fifteen years experience, but to be honest? You wouldn’t have known it. If you are a parent whose child is starting school for the first time next week, and you are feeling worried? Don’t (ironically) worry. You are not alone. Parents everywhere, who are sending their first borns off to the big wide work of primary school are also freaking out, they might just be better at hiding it than you. The only parents whom are feeling a-ok are those with older siblings who have paved the way before us. You only need to look at them as the (rightly) high five each other on the way back from drop off. Their excitement says it all, and also importantly shows us one thing. Everything WILL be ok.
You see, last year I was that Mum who was secretly freaking out inside. Would Ella be ok? Would she have someone to play with? Would she eat her lunch? Would she struggle? Forget the fact that I had worked as a teacher (and Deputy Principal LOL) for more than a decade. That all went out the window. When it comes to your baby, for many of us, rationality and common sense go our the window and emotion sets in. A year later, I sit here with a happy girl who is bursting to start year 1. I too, have grown so much and this year things are a whole lot different. So if you, or someone you know is getting a tad stressed (ie. self imploding) about your child starting school next week, then here are five things I wish I could have told myself…
1. Your child will be fine
By fine, I don’t mean that there won’t be tears. There will be. From you and possibly from them. But we know that the best learning experiences do not come from things we know. They come from getting through something hard. Chances are, the hardest part will be over once you walk out that door. Then it’s time to hand over the trust to their teachers and know that they are there to care for them. All of them. You see teachers, whether they are old or young, new or experienced love teaching. They are there to welcome them, nurture them, challenge them. They will be ok, and so will you.
On the first day, if there are tears from your child, or from you…make the goodbye quick. The quicker the better. I promise that the tears do disappear. In fact, they turn into laughter. Go home, have a cup of tea, heck have a glass of wine and celebrate the milestone. It’s awesome.
2. Meet the parents
MY best advice in those early days is just to get to know people. Yes, it can be a tad awkward whilst everyone hangs around chatting and you might not know anyone. But force yourself to say hello. Your commonality is your children. You will get to know each other through your kids, but it’s also super important to talk to each other at drop off, pick up or at school events. If you are an extrovert, take time to listen. If you are an introvert, take time to talk. Force yourself to chat. I promise a year later you will end up with a group of people who will save your life! You will love them hard.
3. Trust the school
This comes from the mindset of a teacher. If you are having an issue with something, approach it respectfully. Don’t be a keyboard warrior. Don’t email the Principal at 2am. It’s always best to take a deep breath, talk to a trusted friend and sleep on it. Remember that the school has policies and procedures for everything and in this day and age, many things you knew about school in the 80s may simply not exist anymore. Time has changed schools considerably. If there is something to do with your child’s learning you are unsure about or concerns you, approach it the next day in a calm way. It’s always nice as teacher to have a parent develop a positive relationship with you, and this starts from day one. It works both ways. Be nice. Don’t assume that because you went to school that you know how to be a teacher. Read that last sentence again. Remember that people lose all common sense when it comes to their children, and it’s good to remind yourself that your child is not perfect. When in doubt, ask…but do it respectfully.
4. It’s not a race
You have seven years to spend with your child’s Primary school. They don’t have to be the best of everything. They don’t have to be on reading level 28 in term 2 of Prep. Every child brings with them their own gifts and talents. Nurture what they love and this in turn promotes confidence and resilience for those areas of struggle. Also remember that struggling is also learning. Sometimes we NEED to struggle. The struggling part is where we sort things out. Whether it’s about friendships, or maths…sometimes as parents we intervene too early, and thus remove the opportunity for your child to learn themselves!
In those first few weeks your child will get tired. Like crazy tired. The first weeks are very full on. School expects a lot from little brains and this means that kids need time to relax and play. If they are teary at night in the first term, don’t worry. After a term they will get their stride.
5. Be prepared to get prepared
Don’t worry if you can’t attend every school event or help in the classroom all of the time. Plan out your term. When the newsletter comes each week, treat it as bible. Write down every school event, know when the canteen is open and not, when fundraising is on…trust me. Be prepared with your calendar to note down everything. Share the load. Offer to give kids a lift to things, or mind them on a play date. Favours will become your new second language.
I know as a working Mum, I found it overwhelming at times, but one thing I have learned is the fact that your child loves seeing you when you are there, on the days that matter. Not every event matters. Feel good about the things you can do, and let the things you can’t go.
6. Wonder
Take photos and videos on their first day. You will be in wonder and awe of how much they grow and change. Their little souls that have been in the palm of your hands will now grow into beautiful children who know themselves. Their strengths. Their challenges. They will make you cry with love. You will watch them flourish like never before. When they get to the end of the year and they are reading signs on shop windows, when they can read books to themselves, and write their own letters to Santa. When they take risks like never before. When they learn to overcome challenges for themselves.
Prep is a wonderful, wonderful year.
From one school Mum to another, I wish you all the best year of your family lives!
