Every few months, I seem to have a mini meltdown. Nothing serious or anything, but enough to make me stop and really think about how I am feeling, acting and being. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone when I say that sometimes things just get too much. I hate to say it, but I’m not good at dealing with change, and since becoming a Mum, I’m still trying to sort out how to balance everything in my life. I’m sure that I’ll be learning that for a long time.
As we all do, I try to cut myself some slack but lately I have to admit that I haven’t really liked the Mum and wife that I’ve become. I’ve been really negative and have let some things get be down. I feel myself constantly wanting things to be better, and yet I have everything I could ever wish for. When I say ‘better’ I don’t mean acquiring things that I don’t have. I mean managing better. Managing time. Managing the roles that I have. Managing being a Mum, a wife, a Deputy Principal, a small business owner, a daughter, a sister, a friend. Sometimes I feel on top of the world, like I have it all, and then other times I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know why, but all too often, too may of us feel as though we are failing. It’s ridiculous. I am a very driven person, and want to be good at everything I do. This has also meant that I seem to fill my life with things that keep me busy, and in turn this has also created a feeling of exhaustion and negativity. I love every thing in my life, and yet I am currently feeling as though I need to take a step back and enjoy the small things.
I have been trying to control everything in my life with the usual things – routine and consistency. However life doesn’t work that way, and when something happens that doesn’t fit….everything seems to fall apart. Lately I’ve been managing a new print business that has exploded in terms of interest and it has made me incredibly satisfied. Hard work pays off. However the pay off can also mean that the things around you take a back seat, and right now….I don’t want my family to be that sacrifice. I need to realise that it doesn’t matter if you have washing piled up. It doesn’t matter if you get takeaway. It doesn’t matter if you have a bad day…just put it down to being a bad day and move on. A dear friend of mine had a chat with me the other day and helped me realise that I’m not being good to anyone if I continue to beat myself up. If I stress about the washing, the cooking, the cleaning, the business, the pressure. I just need to focus on slowing down and doing a few things well. Mindset is a powerful thing, and lately I’ve not been mindful of being positive which is inherently what I am!
Working Mums, stay at home Mums….we are all incredibly busy. They say that if you want something done, give it to a busy person. I am also someone who is not good at telling myself that I’ve done a good job, and rely on praise from others to enhance my self confidence. As a teacher I learned quickly that this cannot direct your feeling of self worth, as you need to draw upon feedback from the people that matter most – the children you teach. I think that in my own life, I need to start focussing on the feedback that I get from the people who matter most in my life. My children and my husband. My parents, my siblings, my friends. I need to stop. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. BE with the people who matter most. Switch the phone off sometimes. Close the laptop. Read with the kids. Read a magazine when the kids are asleep. Cook for enjoyment more. Make an effort to really stop and enjoy the small things and appreciate the achievements I’ve made, and be positive about it.
It’s time to stop dwelling in the things that have gone wrong and be positive about the things that have gone right. Be mindful. We are healthy, happy, have an amazing family, beautiful children a roof over our heads, a job I love and a wonderful husband who supports me in all I do. Who cares about the rest. So from today I’m going to start writing down, each day, the things that have made me happy. Right now it’s a sleeping little boy, and a cup of tea in a quiet house. Oh, and I’ve had a shower and washed my hair. Feel amazing!
Today, I hope you all feel good about yourselves, be mindful and enjoy the small things around you….